Drop #99: Nonsense

I woke up this morning feeling counterintuitive, so I put a chunk of cheese in each pocket and went for a jog. After a light meal of sautéed grapes and raw pork, I took my foot out of the dryer and ironed one of my pot plants. Then I wrote the sentence: ‘Unger, found solace in his Stoopy’ over and over on a curtain in lipstick till there was no space left. I spent a good two hours turning every piece of furniture in my house to face the opposite direction, even those that looked identical after, then turned one of the cabinets back around so I could file my socks and paperweights in hanging folders.

At noon, I decided it was time to stop being silly and become counterproductive in a philosophical, metaphysical way. I made a small horse out of napkins, gave it to the lamp, and got angry when she didn’t show any gratitude. I chased my tail. I wrote a letter to myself, forged it with a signature I had never used, and mailed it to an address I never intended to live at. I wrote out a newspaper article on migrating sea cucumbers in a secret code I couldn’t decipher. I called myself on the telephone – crank calls and insults, mainly. I did things I didn’t know I was going to do till I did them. I also passed on doing things I didn’t know if I would do till I didn’t do them.

After a late afternoon snack of water, which I served as soup and ate with a garden trowel, and a carrot I carved into the shape of a (slightly smaller) parsnip, I burned my fingertips with matches for a few minutes, then cut all my T-shirts in half and scratched a bunch of my CDs. I sat in the dark broom closet for about an hour with the Yellow Pages, then watched TV in 30 second slots, switching channels randomly. Then I polished my sneakers with Spam.

By now, I was pretty tired of being counterintuitive, so I got back to my regular life, and soon enough, I was doing what I always do on Wednesday nights: smashing biscuits with a bible, so I could collect and dye the pieces and build a miniature active volcano with flavored yak yogurt for lava, and frozen oysters for boulders. When it blows, I watch from a distance wearing only lab goggles and a curried handkerchief.

By E.M. Vireo

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About EM Vireo
flooding the world with fiction

10 Responses to Drop #99: Nonsense

  1. Should I be worried that none of this seems strange to me in the slightest?

  2. Here’s a guy who writes this everyday. It doesn’t seem like nonsense at all: geraldshepherd.wordpress.com

  3. smashing biscuits with a bible ahah! sometimes is important to do something freak…when is the last time you did something you have never done before?

  4. I feel like this some days. When the mood swing gets to the low point and the brain does strange stuff… Good post, as usual.

  5. Pi says:

    It’s good to see a drop written in such a serious vein. I was having doubts that you could handle serious subjects.The belly responded appropriately.

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